I had a friendly dust-up this week with an old colleague about a term that, at least to me, feels like fingernails on chalkboards.

Servant Leadership. Y’know that lovely, friendly term that means NO leadership! It’s the catchphrase that gets thrown around as if it’s the gold standard we should all aspire to.

Here’s what I’ve learned after three decades of watching leaders burn out, lose their edge, and wonder where it all went wrong. Most of them stopped leading the moment they started trying to serve everyone.

I know that sounds harsh. Maybe even controversial. But let me ask you something: When was the last time you saw a truly effective leader who spent their time serving everyone else’s agenda?

The Problem with ‘Servant Leadership’

The term itself is a contradiction. And contradictions don’t just confuse us—they paralyze us.

I’ve watched talented executives, super smart professionals and even amazing friends and neighbours tie themselves in knots trying to reconcile what it means to be both servant and leader. They end up being neither. They become accommodators. Order-takers. People who’ve traded their judgment and vision for the temporary comfort of not disappointing anyone.

That’s not leadership. That’s abdication dressed up in humble clothing.

The truth is, no leader should serve anyone. Not in the servile, subordinate way that word implies.

What Leaders Actually Do

Leaders are of service. And that’s an entirely different thing.

Being of service means using your position, experience, and hard-won wisdom to create conditions where others can thrive. It means removing obstacles. Making the tough calls. Holding the vision when everyone else is lost in the weeds. It means sometimes saying the thing no one wants to hear because it’s what needs to be said.

I learned this the hard way. Early in my career, I thought being a good leader meant keeping everyone happy. Saying yes to every request. Being available 24/7. Bending over backwards to accommodate every preference and opinion.

The result was awful. I became irrelevant. My team stopped respecting my judgment because I’d abandoned it in favour of consensus. Projects stalled because I wouldn’t make decisions that might upset anyone. And I was miserable. Totally exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone while being nothing to myself.

The Difference That Changes Everything

Here’s the distinction that changed how I led:

Being of service means maintaining your expertise, boundaries, and professional judgment. You’re a steward of something larger than any individual’s immediate wants. You can say no. You can push back. You can redirect.

Being a servant means subordination. It means your value is measured by compliance and availability. It means the other party’s desires always take precedence, even when those desires conflict with what’s actually needed.

One is leadership. The other is servitude.

Think about it this way: When you board a plane, do you want a pilot who serves your desire to arrive faster by cutting corners on safety checks? Or do you want a pilot who is of service to your actual need—arriving safely—even if that means occasionally disappointing you with delays?

What This Looks Like in Practice

Real leadership—being of service to the higher good—requires the courage to:
• Tell your team that their preferred approach won’t work and here’s why
• Disappoint someone in the short term for their long-term benefit
• Hold boundaries around your time, energy, and what you can reasonably deliver
• Make decisions others can’t or won’t make, even when those decisions are unpopular
• Challenge assumptions, including your own
The Permission You Don’t Need
Here’s what no one tells us. We don’t need permission to stop being a servant and start being of service.

YOU already have the authority. You already possess the expertise. You’ve earned your seat at the table.

The question isn’t whether you’re allowed to lead with intention and boundaries. The question is whether you’re willing to.

Because being of service—real service, in the interest of everyone’s higher good—isn’t always comfortable. It doesn’t always make you popular in the moment. It requires you to trust your judgment even when others question it.

It means accepting that leadership isn’t a popularity contest. It’s a responsibility.

The Bottom Line

Leadership and servitude cannot coexist. One requires agency, judgment, and the courage to make tough calls. The other requires compliance and subordination.

Choose leadership. Choose being of service to the higher good, especially when that means disappointing someone or standing alone in your conviction.

The world doesn’t need more people-pleasers with impressive titles. It requires leaders who are willing to lead.